On Scrooge and the Grinch

Every year, it seems that I hear someone saying they can't wait until the holidays are over.  It starts at Thanksgiving with someone slaving for days to prepare the perfect feast for dozens of relatives.  It ends with a paucity of thank yous and un-met expectations of gratitude for the food, the decorations, the hospitality. . . and the list goes on.

Then, we dive into Back Friday sales keeping our kids out 'til midnight so we can buy them twice as many presents if we get them all for 1/2 price.  We hide the gifts, bribe the kids into good behavior with the promise of dreams coming true on Christmas morning.  Then, we rush through the towers of gifts hardly having time to acknowledge one before moving on to the next. . . places to go, people to see and more gifts to unwrap.

Six weeks of greed can be exhausting.  Agreed?  It's enough to turn the most ambitious among us into Scrooges and Grinches.

By New Year's we're laden with guilt after our binge and ready to make restitution with diets and budget cuts and promises that next year will be different.

I can't help but think, "Maybe we're doing it wrong."

The other night we were scheduled to go to a nursing home and sing Christmas carols.  On the way there, Mrs O and I had a disagreement. . . actually, it was just a 'heated agreement!'  We both agreed that I was being a jerk.  There wasn't any disagreement about it!  Things were feeling pretty ugly going into that nursing home and I had all I could do to begin singing.

Then I started singing.

I saw the elderly folk smiling as we performed our amateurish caroling.  I spoke with a World War II veteran who was delighted to have someone who would listen to his stories.  I also met one lady with a strange looking eye.  I don't know if it was glass or if she had cataracts, but it induced a sense of hesitation to say the least.  At the end of the caroling, my two boys ran up to her and wrapped their arms around her.  They wished her a Merry Christmas.

She said, "That was the best Christmas gift ever!"

I left the nursing home that night feeling quite differently than I had upon arriving.  It's not really that surprising when I think about it.  Changing the focus of my actions changed the focus of my thinking.

We can do the same thing with our Christmas traditions.  If you are having trouble with the hustle and bustle of the holidays, try changing the focus of your actions.  If your family is less than grateful for your efforts, put that effort toward an outwardly focused cause.

Invite your ungrateful family members to join you in serving the homeless on Christmas Eve.

Invite some friends to visit an orphanage Christmas morning with a basket of trinkets from the dollar store.

Instead of taking up a seat at your church's Christmas Eve service, volunteer to greet people at the door, decorate, or serve up the snacks.

Changing your focus changes your life.  In fact, it's life inducing, because these are the things life is made of.

Merry Christmas!

9 days left. . .

Are you a gift-buying procrastinator?  Are you trying to find the perfect gift for the neighbor you don't know all that well?  What about gift-giving etiquette for the workplace?  Have a co-worker that celebrates a different holiday?

Well, Mrs O came across a great resource for give giving and I thought I'd share it.  It's called Cool Mom Picks.  They list all sorts of ideas for all sorts of people and they break down their suggestions by price range.  From DIY homemade gift ideas to gifts that give back by supporting African women or literacy initiatives, there are tons of great ideas.   

Let this be your springboard!

If the above link doesn't work for whatever reason, here's the URL you can paste into the address bar of your web browser:

http://www.coolmompicks.com/holidaygiftguide/

Also, for the gent who has trouble finding the perfect gift for his lady, don't forget to take advantage of things like pinterest and facebook.  If she likes it on facebook and pinterest, she might like it under the tree as well!

Merry Christmas!

Eight for eight

(c) 2004 Eric Graf photography 

Eight years and counting.  That's 2920 days, plus a couple of leap days and a couple of days since our actual anniversary this past week.  I can't believe it's been that long.  Doesn't seem like it could have possibly been more than 2500!  I guess time really flies when you're having fun.

And, I AM having fun!

So, to celebrate our anniversary, here are 8 words that embody my favorite things about my Mrs O. . . with some short explanations.  I can only be so concise, you know.

8. Security.  Mrs O is equally at home enjoying a steak at Ruth's Chris or hush puppies at The Cracker Barrel.

7. Leisure.  She enjoys all manner of British dramas, reading books, and lying in the hammock--everything's better together.

6. Thoughtfulness.  She often comes home from the grocery store with stinky cheese for me!

5. Brains.  She has an amazing vocabulary and insists that people who cuss only do so because they can't say it more intelligently.

4. Strength.  Whether we're playing scrabble or debating miscellaneous issues we're equally matched--she poses a formidable challenge!

3. Equality.  We're even more perfectly matched as teammates.

2. Beauty.  She's beautiful, inside and out.

1. Whimsy.  She is 100% herself--all the time, no matter what.

Thanks for saying 'yes,' Mrs O.  I love you.

'Tis the season. . .

My grandfather once told me, "You can tell a lot about a person by what makes them excited."

Men,

If you haven't already, this is the time to be thinking about a Christmas gift for your wife or girlfriend.  I find that lots of guys talk like they never get the right stuff.  Sometimes, they even feel like they've got a little making up do to next time.  I think that's because we, too often, go for the standards.  Mrs O is not identical to any other woman, so some standards just don't work for her.  They don't communicate that I love her.  It's not about the way I communicate, but the way she communicates.

When your girl is excited, what is she excited about?

Mrs O gets excited about quality time.  I discovered a long time ago that taking a surprise day off and making a simple itinerary of fun things to do together was one of the best ways to show Mrs O that I love her and that I know her.  I never would have put that together on my own, but I asked her about it.  I asked her what gifts meant the most to her.  Those are enlightening conversations.

Ladies,

If you find that your man is awkward when it comes to buying gifts, make sure you are vocal about your favorite ones, even if it's not exactly perfect.  Think about the little things he does--or used to do--and tell him how much you appreciated those things.  I remember one day when Mrs O told me that she really appreciated when I send her cards in the mail.  Her admiration meant so much to me.  It made me want to keep doing it!

Two's company.

Mrs O's anniversary bouquet!

I know, I didn't get that expression quite right.  Or, perhaps they didn't get it quite right--whoever 'they' are.  Three's company, four is a crowd. . . well, sometimes things get crowded in this family of four!  See, this past weekend my parents took the boys for the weekend so we could celebrate our seventh anniversary.  Alone.  Together.  Just the two of us.  We didn't go anywhere. . . well, not far.  We stayed at a little B&B here in town.  We explored the chocolate shops--bourbon truffles!  Tried some new restaurants: Wild Eggs for breakfast, Cafe Mimosa for pot stickers and crab rangoons, and Coco's Chocolate Cafe for more chocolate!

We've recently relocated, and it had been a long time since the two of us had a weekend away.  It was only recently that we got back into the habit of date nights.  It's taking a while to get settled back into a routine.  We'd like to think that it should always be spontaneous, but sometimes life just prevents the spontaneous, so we have to make a plan to stay healthy and enjoy spontaneity when it happens.  An anniversary is the perfect reason to plan a few days away, even if 'away' isn't far.  We billed it as a chance to explore our new town.  It turned out, that we also got to learn a little about each other as well.  New town.  New job.  New surroundings.  Life just changes you, doesn't it?  Sometimes, I don't even realize how I've changed until I start explaining it to Mrs O.  It's amazing what a little conversation can do!

Note to self: Take time to make time.

Mother's Day: Bargain on Flowers

If you are still looking for the finishing touches on the Mother's Day celebration, here's a deal for you from FTD and Living Social:

$35 worth of flowers and gifts for $15!

Only one day left to take advantage of it!!  So, hurry!

Small stuff for Mother's Day

Mother's Day is coming right up, dads. If you haven't thought about what to do for mom, there's no time to lose. Start gathering ideas. Here are a few things that always get smiles from Mrs O:

Breakfast in Bed--served by her little boys(in our case)! You might bring her a cup of coffee ahead of time so she'll be ready for the main event.

Plan out the day and present her with an itinerary of fun family activities that mom and dad and kids can all enjoy together. Focus on the things she most likes to do with the kiddos.

Crafty type things with hand prints, foot prints, home-made Mother's Day cards, etc. Browse through the craft stores and see what she might like. Those stores are loaded with plaster cast kits and mugs you--or rather the kids--can decorate.

Make sure to get any laundry sorted and in the washer, take out the garbage and take care of any other chores that are bothersome to her. Make sure she doesn't feel like she has to do household chores on Mother's Day. Get them done for her ahead of time. Keep on top of the dishes. Clear and wipe the table and wipe down the counter after meals.

Does any of that sound silly? It feels silly to write out some of the household chores. I'm writing them out anyway, because I know how much Mrs O appreciates things like a clean counter top. I never would have anticipated that it would make that much of a difference, but it does! Sometimes, I think we--guys--make the celebrations too difficult on ourselves. We want it to be perfect and we think that means breaking the budget, but sometimes I neglect the small things that make all the difference.

Note to self: don't forget the small stuff.

The Perfect Gift--20 questions

One of the things that has been the most helpful in choosing the right gift for Mrs. O. is asking the right questions.  I mentioned in a recent post that it helps me when I don't limit the questions to, "Do you want a blank for Christmas?"  It's much more helpful to ask, "What kind of gift makes you feel treasured, cherished and pursued?"  Think of it like the game Twenty Questions: if you ask the first question and the answer is 'no' then you have only dealt with one gift and you haven't gained any good ideas.  If you ask the second question, it doesn't matter what the answer is.  You'll likely end up with at least a couple of springboard ideas.


I also asked Mrs. O. about the types of gifts she likes for different holidays.  It turns out she likes the gift to match the occasion to some extent.  For example: Birthday--gifts that reflect her love of music, Mother's Day--items that the kids have created or that involve the kids in their use, Anniversary--events enjoyed as a couple, sans kids, and help us remember what it is like to be friends.  Some of them are items, but sometimes an event is fun, too.  If it's an event, she likes me to take care of all the details: reservations, childcare, transportation, parking, etc. 


Every question takes some of the mystery out of buying the perfect gift, and she always appreciates that I'm asking!

The young, the smooth, Mr. O.

I'm doing a lot of reminiscing lately about the early days, when Mrs. O. was not yet Mrs. O.  I was thinking about a funny story of our first 'real' date.  Thank you Mrs. O. for sticking with me!

We had begun spending a lot of time together and had become really good friends.  Inseparable, really.  So, we decided to go out to the Macaroni Grill for a date.  We had not actually been out on a date yet.  It was an interesting experience and we learned a few things on this date. 

First, conversation is more difficult when you're sitting directly across from someone.  I had never really thought about that before.  We usually had such an easy time talking to each other but there was a subtle awkwardness about this evening.  It's way easier if you're sitting on adjacent sides--close enough to talk comfortably, but not staring each other down.


Second, and this is the good one, we learned that our families dine in distinctly different ways.  Not-yet-Mrs. O. grew up in a family that shares every bit of food--no beverages.  I on the other hand grew up in a family that protects our food like Fort Knox protects gold bullion.  I was not offended by the offer of sharing food, but not enticed by it, either!


The nexxus of our dining experience came with dessert.  I don't remember what I got.  My memory of the evening is completely devoted to the events that surround the chocolate cake covered with a conservative splash of ganache.  It was wholly unappetizing to me.  I mean, who would bake a cake and 'forget' the most important part: the butter cream icing.  What is ganache anyway, but a thickened chocolate syrup that belongs on an ice cream sundae.  I digress...so, they bring the dessert and not-yet-Mrs. O. offers up a share of her un-iced (for all intents and purposes) chocolate cake.  To which I replied...are you ready for this?  "If I'd wanted it, I would have ordered it!" 


No, really.  I'm not kidding.  I said that.  Smooth.  Classy.  I do fancy myself something of a lady's man.


I thought she was going to cry.  She was humiliated.  Embarrassed.  I don't even remember whether I smartened up enough to have a piece of the cake, but she was gracious enough not to shove her fork down my throat the next time I opened my mouth! 


Ahhh,  good times!


Note to self: Eat the cake.

Gifts-part one

As I make the final decision about what to get Mrs. O. for her next birthday, I thought I'd write down a few of the things that are going through my head.  It's always tough to decide on a gift, but I've been practicing.  I mean, this is a sort of skill, right?  It's not easy...at least for me.  But you've got to practice when the stakes are low--when there are no expectations.  Now, when the stakes are higher I can lean on what I've learned in the past.

I made this discovery early on--quite by accident.  I was at Bath and Body Works.  I had just happened on one of their semi-annual sales.  They do one in June and one in December.  The one in June is better from my experience, and I've been going for...well, about 6 years now.  So, I was in the store and they've got all these 3-for-1 deals.  I decided to get a little of this and a little of that.  It was early in the relationship and I didn't really know what my young bride would like best.

When I got home, I took one of the items and put it in the bathroom where she would find it.  I put the rest in a box on a shelf in the garage.  I knew it would be safe there!  Mrs. O. was delighted at the surprise gift (any gift is a good gift when it's unexpected!)  After a little while when her supply was getting low, I made a secret trip to the garage for another surprise gift.  It was a stroke of genius!  The best part is that during the semi-annual sale, I can get a 6 month supply of fragrant, girly lotions and potions for less than $20.

I found that Mrs. O. loves the shower gels.  She doesn't love the lotions.  Didn't matter much when she wasn't expecting any gift at all.  She was delighted at the surprise, but I noticed she just didn't use up the lotions as quickly.  She talked a lot more about the shower gels, too.  So, when it came time for filling her Christmas stocking I got a bottle of one of the shower gels.  She likes them enough that 6 years later, I still have a stash of shower gels under the bed.  She's discovered my stash by now, but by now it's no secret anyway.

I found that the same thing worked for flowers and chocolate.  At Easter time, when the Cadbury eggs come out, or at Valentine's day when the chocolate-covered marshmallows are available in every shape and size I like to get a bunch and start hiding them around the house.  It's easy to tell which are the favorites!  After a while, I've collected a list of her favorite chocolate, her favorite flowers, and her favorite fragrances.  It just gets easier every time.

30th Birthday Bomb

So, Mrs. O.’s birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks.  I’m not exactly sure what to get her.  I have a couple of ideas.  I want to have a great plan for the events of the day.  That is all still in the works.  One thing is certain, though.  I don’t want to repeat last year!

Last year was a big one, too.  I got her a great gift.  I got her a Wii.  She had mentioned a few times that she liked the idea and thought it would be so much fun.  I just KNEW she would love it.  She did!  I gave it to her the weekend before her birthday so we could enjoy a couple of days to play it since her birthday fell in the middle of the week and I’d be working that day.  Success!  Or maybe not...

It came down to the day before her ACTUAL birthday.  I asked her what she wanted to do...nothing.  Hmmm.  I know what that means.  You want me to know what you want to do on your birthday, right?  I mean, who wants to plan her own birthday party...well, we really already had our birthday party.  We had a combined 30th celebration between our birthdays at Chuck E. Cheese’s.  We’re so weird.  

So, I ask again...really, do you want to do another celebration?  Big?  Little?  Cake?  Ice Cream?  The answer: I just don’t want to have to make dinner.  Other than that, it really isn’t that big of a deal.  Done.  Success again...until later the next afternoon.

Day of Mrs. O.’s birthday: I go to work as usual.  We’ll have cake and ice cream with friends at 7 after having a family dinner at an Italian chain that we both really enjoy.  We’ll meet for dinner at 5:30.  I’ll be able to be out of work by then easily as long as everything goes smoothly. 

3:00 pm:  *Long deep breath*  What’s that law again...Murphy’s law...Yeah, BIG catastrophe.

4:30 pm: We’re up to our eyeballs in half-thought-out solutions, I’m supposed to be leaving and it’s my job to fix the problem.  What now?  I call Mrs. O.  Me: It’s ok, you just go ahead and leave for the restaurant.  I’ll be there shortly.  It’s just a little...er...catastrophe!  

5:00 pm: No real progress.  Still up to our eyeballs.  I know I’ve failed by this point.  I’m not sure how to rescue the evening.  I call again.  Mrs. O.: It’s fine.  No problem.  I’ll just take the kids home.  We’ll find something for dinner.  Come home as soon as you can.  Do you have a cake?  Oh.  Our friends are coming at 7, right?  It’s ok...I’ll pick one up...Click.

6:30 pm: I’m home!  Mrs. O. and kids are eating left over meatloaf.  Friends are arriving to eat the cake that Mrs. O. herself picked up at the Wally World bakery only moments before.  Oh, good.  She remembered...to get.  Ice.  Cream.  

Note to self: don’t ever let that happen again!