Sunday, September 30, 2012

Becoming me.

When I was younger, lots of people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I think that question might be a little misleading.  They were really asking what I wanted to do when I grew up.  But, how would I know?  What were my motives?  A desire to 'make a difference?'  Have money?  Prestige?  Perhaps, wanting to be like someone else whom I admired.

What about wanting to be me?

I never thought of that.

Not until college. . .

. . . when I first attended college, I was in the Criminal Justice program at Northeastern University.  Only a few months into my first term Dr. Lipton, one of my advisors said, "We have to get you out of Criminal Justice.  You need to be in the sciences!"

I was appalled.

From my perspective, the world was at my disposal.  I could choose to study and be anything that fancied me.  Who was he to think that he knew, better than I did, what I wanted to be?  I didn't want to become a scientist.  I wanted to become a State Trooper.

I ignored him.

You want to guess what happened?

My second year, I ended up becoming dissatisfied with my current classes.  I tried a smattering of different classes.  I liked physics.  I ended up sticking with it and changed my major officially to physics.

After making the official change in major, I had a flash back to the day I was talking to Dr. Lipton and he was telling me that I needed to get out of Criminal Justice.

He was right.

I went straight to his office and told him I had changed my major.  "I know" he said.

"What did you see so early on?  Why did you tell me that I needed to be in the sciences?"

"You're a scientist."

It was a much simpler answer than I had anticipated.

This was a new paradigm for me: the concept that I already was a certain kind of person.  I just needed to learn how to use what I already possessed.

I thought I had to choose whom I would be.

I thought I had to invent whom I would be.

I thought I had to become somebody.

It turns out, I was already me.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Blah Moments

Wow, I didn't realize how long it had been since I had last posted.  Work has been crazy busy, but nothing ground breaking.  I was starting to think that I didn't have anything to write about because I hadn't really had any major 'Aha!' moments lately.  I've had a long run of 'blah' moments.

I wouldn't change it, though.  There's value in the 'blah' moments.  There's not a lot to write-home-about, but we've had a lot of fun family time.

This summer, I had the chance to take my family on a work trip to Chicago.  We ate at Giordano's, met up with some old friends, drove around Fermilab and enjoyed the hotel pool.

The boys have started school and they're doing great!

We visited Gatlinburg, Tennessee with my parents and siblings.  I got to teach my boys to play Cribbage.

We played in the park, watered the flowers, played in the dirt, watched the hummingbirds at our feeder, and took naps.

Maybe it really is nothing-to-write-home-about, but maybe that's just the way I like it!