Bible Doing

Mrs O and I are excited about February 3.  What a kickoff this is going to be. . . and I'm not talking about professional sports!  On Super Bowl Sunday we're kicking off a new community group for our church, and it's going to have a bit of a different focus.

Well, it's not so much the focus that will be different, but the format.  Every group we've ever attended, including one that we hosted for three years in Maine, was focused on group discussion.  We would meet and study. . . some would call it a Bible Study.  We also had a focus on building community between members, so it had a major social component as well.

Some time ago, I began to think a little bit differently about church.  You can read some background here in a post called "Getting out of church!"  Basically, I began to feel like I was just talking and not doing anything about all the stuff I was talking about.  I was feeling like my week was so full of church events that I didn't have time for anyone outside of my church.  I didn't know how to justify or reconcile my schedule with what I was reading in the Bible.

Then I read some stuff: Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller, Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus, and Love Does by Bob Goff.  All of these books increased my sense that something about my priorities had gone awry.

So, as suggested by Bob Goff in Love Does, we're starting a Bible Doing.  We're getting folk together with the intention of serving our community on a regular basis.  These opportunities to serve will take the place of some of our discussions.  Our discussions will then be focused on new opportunities and the experiences we have serving.

We're going to start by looking for some 'plug and play' service opportunities where we don't have to re-invent the wheel, but rather plug into organizations that are already going.  We're going to focus on the passions and talents of the group members.  We're going to turn everyday life into a mission trip!

We're not pros yet, but practice makes perfect!

"'He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well.  Is that not what it means to know me?' declares the Lord."  Jeremiah 22:10 NIV

Going to camp

Thinking (again) about the modern parable.  This is now the third related post.  If you're confused or want to refresh your memory, you could start by reading "Early Retirement" and "Princess Diana."

Several years ago, I had a paradigm shift.  I had several of them pretty much back-to-back, which you may have gathered!  I had just moved back to the northeast and I took a fresh look at an old New England summer tradition: going to camp.  

Now, this may be unique to New England but, 'going to camp' means a trip to a cottage.  Often, 'camp' is by a lake, river, the ocean, or just out in the woods.  It's a little glimpse of a simpler life.  You don't necessarily worry about the color or style of the counter tops.  You are simply there to enjoy life, whatever it happens to bring.  You don't worry about having stainless steel appliances.  In fact, some of the allure may be the 50 year old Frigidaire still whirring away in the kitchen!  When we first moved back, I had 'camp' on my list of things to achieve.

What changed?

I was listening to a co-worker talk about the limited time her family had been able to spend 'up to camp' that summer.  It was a 150 mile trek that they took every Friday night through the 13 or so weeks between Memorial Day and Labor Day.  I remember thinking about the amount of time spent driving versus relaxing.  It seemed so sad to have to leave camp and come back home at the end of the weekend.

I decided that camp would have to be closer to home in order for it to be worth the effort, to me personally.  But how close?  What if the simpler life were just 100 miles away. . . or 50. . . or 10!  What if camp could be less than 10 miles away?  I could have the simple life all summer long!  

But, wait.  

If I could live there all summer, why would I move back home in the winter?  If camp was just 10 miles away, would it be worth the drive in the winter, too?  I could have the simple life all year round!  If I were going to live at camp, then I wouldn't need my 'first home' at all.  Camp could be my first home. . .

What a life that would be!  

. . . then, it occurred to me.  I already had a modest house on a wooded lot.  I could open the windows in the morning and it would smell just like camp would smell 10 miles down the road.

My home is camp, already.  I just needed to rename it.  Achieving the simpler life is actually quite easy.  

It is not a location or a building.

It is a mindset.

Understanding the mindset was the only requirement to living the simpler life.

What a home!

What a camp!

What a life!

On Frogs and Princes

I remember hearing a man tell of an experience in a restaurant.  I think he was in New York City.  Anyway, he was unimpressed by the lackluster attention he was getting from his server.

At one point, he summoned her and referred to her as a "waitress."

"Oh, I'm actually an actress!" she replied.  "This is just for the meantime."

"Well, then. . ." he said.  "Act like a waitress!"

That would've made her a good waitress.

Then, the other day, I was listening to a man preach a sermon on marriage.  It was great and he made some great points.  While he was talking, my mind started going crazy. He was talking about how we act differently over time.  He has been married 10 years and he cited ways that he acts differently than he did when dating the lady who became his wife.

How many times have you heard something like: he's not the same man I married. . . or, she's not the woman she was when we were dating?

It's easy to fool ourselves, isn't it?

Am I the same man I was 8 years ago?

Let me ask it another way:

We just bought a "new" car.  I say "new" with quotes, because it is a 1998, and it has 130,000 miles on it.  If we've done our research right, it will last me for as long as I need it.

I'm sure it doesn't drive quite the same way it did when it was new.

When the former owner--who had owned it since 1998--brought it in to sell it, could he argue that it wasn't the same car that he had bought?

That sounds a little silly.

Of course it's the same car.  It's just older.

So it goes with us.  I'm older than I was 8 years ago.  I act differently.  I hope that most of the differences are for the better.  The cool thing is that I get to choose how I act!

Once, I asked Mrs O why some women seem to fall in love with a frog hoping he will be Prince Charming, but then become dissatisfied when they kiss the frog and he's just a frog.  What's a guy to do?

She replied, "Most of the time, it's because she fell in love with a prince.  She kissed the prince and he turned into a frog.  She just wants her prince back!"

Note to self: Act like a prince.

Freezer Bags and China Plates

My grandmother sometimes washes out her freezer bags.  Maybe your grandmother does, too.  I've heard of many grandmothers of the same generation who do things like that.  She just figures that they're still good.  Not ready to throw them out.  Still worth the effort of a little minor maintenance.

She also saves her butter wrappers.  You know, the waxed paper on the outside of a stick of butter?  She saves those after she puts the stick of butter on the butter dish.  There's still a little bit of butter on the inside of the paper.  Later, when she's making a batch of rolls, she whips out the waxed paper butter wrappers and uses up that last little bit of butter by smearing it on the warm rolls.

Genius!

Is it worth it?

Well, I don't bother.  I still think it's genius, but for one, I don't make homemade rolls as often as Grammie does.

I don't wash out my freezer bags either, but then, I prefer to use those 'reusable' plastic containers rather than the bags.  I don't wash freezer bags, and I don't wash plastic forks.  I guess Grammie might say that freezer bags are 'reusable' now, wouldn't she?

I wash flatware--the stainless steel kind.  We don't have silver.

I wash our dishes.  They're not china plates or anything, but they're too valuable to throw away.  I can't afford to keep replacing them every time we eat on them!

It occurred to me the other day that marriage is like a freezer bag.

Am I starting to lose you?

I am always trying to figure out why marriages fail.  I've heard all kinds of explanations: marriage isn't 50/50, it's 100/100!

Really?

Is that it?

I've known a few long-married couples who don't seem to be giving it their all.  Why are they still married?

I think it's deeper and simpler than all the relational philosophy.  Simpler than analyzing communication styles, gender roles, intimacy issues, etc.

I think some people view marriage like a freezer bag.  When it gets dirty, it's time to throw it away.

I think that some people view marriage like a china plate. No matter how old and dirty it gets, it's always worth cleaning up.

Couple's Retirement

I can't wait to retire!  I've only got. . . forty years, maybe more if I depend on Social Security to fund it!  I wonder what it will look like.  I remember a man I worked for several years ago.  He was getting ready to retire and we all suspected that he'd be flying his little Cessna quite a bit.  One day, one of my colleagues asked him, "What will your wife think of you being home all day?"

"Well, just because I'm not going to work, doesn't mean I'm going to stay home!" he said.

He was just going to start doing all the things he had always wanted to do, but never had the time.  This isn't really about him, though.  It's about Mrs O and me.  What will retirement look like for us? We're pretty traditional.  I work and earn a paycheck.  She works 24/7 caring for our boys and me: tons of laundry, cart loads of groceries, hundreds of meals.  If she got paid for all she does, she would surely have a six-figure salary!  I'm glad we went the traditional route with our family.  Our boys are reaping many benefits!  It is a ton of work, though.  I see that every time Mrs O goes off and I care for they boys myself!  So, if it's real work, what does real retirement look like?

This is an interesting thing for us to evaluate right now.  After changing jobs, selling a house and relocating to a new area, we are evaluating our new retirement options.  I have to admit, until now I hadn't figured a maid or dining out into my concept of retirement.  It doesn't necessarily have to look like that, perhaps we would just downsize and rent instead of owning a home so that someone else could look after the outside and we could both care for the smaller inside space together.  The point isn't that we have to do it one way or the other, but I do want us to retire together.

In our new, revised retirement plan I want to include Mrs O doing all the things she has always wanted to do, but never had the time.

Note to self: Retire together!

Baby changes everything. . .

I ran into this article this morning. The article is mainly about balancing a healthy lifestyle with being a good mom, but there is one marriage related issue that I want to point out. At the beginning of the article, the writer states that pre-pregnancy the mom-to-be frequently excercised with her husband. Now, post pregnancy the writer suggests that moms priorities should be: being a good mom, her health and her job--respectively. The writer, also a friend of mom, is offering to go for walks in the park with her to help her get back to her healthy routine.

Ummm. . . wait a minute. Where's Dad? Is the marriage on the priority list? In my opinion, it should be number one--yes, before being a good mom. Parents can keep each other healthy and therefore empower each other to be the best parents. I mean, are we partners or aren't we?

Perhaps the friend could stay home with the baby while mom and dad go for a walk in the park!

Read on:

Stay Fit and Healthy at Any Size: Shape Magazine