Breakfast with Joe

Starbucks is where I met Joe.  Not initially, but on a particular Saturday morning.  We had arranged a meeting several weeks prior.  That meeting was cancelled for one reason or the other and I seem to remember it being rescheduled and cancelled again.  In any case, however many times it was rescheduled, it finally happened on the Saturday after I came back from Florida.

Joe had mentioned earlier in the summer of 2019 that he may want to connect me with a church plant team to grow the church's presence in our city.  I loved that idea!  As I mentioned in The Five Years, I committed internally that I would do this church leadership thing for 5 years, and we were in the last few weeks of the last year.  I was thinking in my head that Joe could connect me with the church plant team, I could identify a candidate or two who might be good longterm leaders, then I could tell Joe that I was stepping down and turn everything over to this other person or people, and have a rest from the leadership role and just enjoy being a part of the church.  I loved this plan. 

And then came my trip to Florida.  

I didn't know what the plan was now.  I didn't really have a plan.  I had recently made a call to Duane which helped bring some semblance of clarity to the options, but I didn't really have a plan.  

So, I met Joe to ask him about his thoughts, and now I had to tell him about Florida.

He knew most of the story, so we recapped briefly.  I told him about wanting more information about a church plant team and how it would ultimately work... 

... oh, and there's something else.  Florida.

He thought for a minute and then he told me he thought Florida was a "Psalm 37:4 thing."

4 

Take delight in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I told Joe a little story: back in college there was a job I didn't want.  I prayed and asked God for a different one even though I had this opportunity for a perfectly good job, I just didn't want it.  Everyone said there wasn't anything around this place but cornfields.  My grandmother sent me a little devotional right about that time, and on the front was a picture of a cornfield and two verses: Psalm 37:3,4.

Later, I was graduating and resisting the idea of going to graduate school.  I hated the idea of graduate school.  I was also dating someone that wasn't good for me, and frankly, I wasn't good for her.  I prayed and told God I would do whatever he wanted me to do even if it meant going to graduate school and breaking up with this girl--I assumed that would render me a life of solitude, but we all know what happens when we assume!  I got off my bed, wiped the tears from my eyes and decided to move on with my day.  I picked up my mail and read a letter from a friend.  At the end of her letter she wrote a verse.  Yep.  Psalm 37:3,4.  

Joe said he could see this process going like this: he would send out some 'feelers' and find out what people were thinking--who might be ready to move to Louisville and become part of this team.  He suggested the simplest way to structure the transition would be to dissolve the existing bylaws, and thus the structure of the organization, and we operate like a church plant while a new team comes into place.  

Sound familiar?

So, this was a significant verse for me and a significant meeting:

This verse had come up again when I had an 'unwanted' or really just unforeseen opportunity.

This conversation was the second time someone independently suggested the same solution: dissolve the old and create something new.  

A Call to Duane

After A Trip to Florida I called Duane.

"Duane, you'll never guess what's happening..."

I told him all about everything.  I told him that I had a meeting scheduled with the church leader who oversees our area that very next day.  I told him I had a meeting with the two guys on our church's leadership team.  I told him about Florida.  

I was nervous about talking to Duane, but one thing I know is that Duane would tell me the honest truth.  I knew he would tell me what he truly thought and felt, even if he thought I wouldn't like it.  I knew Duane held the fulfillment of responsibility in high regard, and leaving a post to take a different position isn't something he would take lightly.  I needed to know what he thought, and I anticipated he would not like the idea of Florida.

I was surprised.

To paraphrase our conversation, Duane talked through how the transition might go.  He does hold the fulfillment of responsibility in high regard and that fact came up in our conversation.  He said he could see the 'rightness' of a transition plan under certain circumstances.  

He and I had discussed the future of the church before--years earlier, and on a regular basis including several times in the weeks just preceding the trip to Florida.  We had discussed the significance of the church's formal, but perhaps nominal ties to a larger worldwide organization.  We had discussed the potential wisdom in strengthening that connection.  We had discussed the need to bring in some folk from that organization and ways that might be possible--in cooperation with the organization's leadership.  

During this call we did an inventory.  We remembered the things we had each felt when we had those moments of the 'strong sense' over the past years.  We discussed my sense that I was supposed to find the 'kink in the hose' so it could be un-stoppered and the hose could be connected up to a new faucet.  We discussed the pruning of the trees and the nurse branch.  We discussed his sense that the existing organization may need to be 'planted' and die, as a seed dies to then sprout new growth.  The organization, after all, is only there to support what God is doing in the life of the people.  If the support is no longer effective, it needs to be reimagined, remodeled, rebuilt.  We discussed the timing as all of this was happening at the end of the 5 years.  

Duane concluded that if the current organization dissolved, my position would dissolve with it and whatever took its place would take my place as well.  Florida could very well be the next thing for me and my family.

How would we know for sure?  I mentioned it before, but it's helpful to mention here: often when I have a strong sense about something that proves to be significant, it comes up several times.  That repetition is important here.  

There were still people who needed to weigh in.  

A Trip to Florida

 Sometime in late September or early October my friend called me from Florida.  They still had no one doing my particular job and there was one particular item, an inspection of some parts of the construction work, that required someone like me.  She called.  "We really need this work done to keep our timelines on schedule and we're out of options.  Can you do this work for us?"

This would be crazy.  I didn't have a Florida license or personal liability insurance.  So many reasons to say, 'no.' So, I told her all of this and agreed to help her find someone locally who could help out.  

"There's not time," she insisted.  We're out of options.  

Reluctantly, I agreed on the condition that I could get the license and the insurance.  The obstacles quickly melted away.  The license and insurance quickly revealed themselves to be very small obstacles which were easily overcome.  Before I knew it, I had a couple of days off and I flew with my family to Florida.  It quickly became apparent that this was more than a contract job, but rather a surreptitious interview!  I was not alarmed, but strengthened in my resolve that Florida was not for me, or for us.  

After the 'interview' meet-and-greets, I was indeed impressed with the whole operation, and shocked to realize how closely matched my experience was to the plans this organization had in progress.  I enjoyed my day thoroughly, and the construction inspection was smooth.  Quite a lot of fun, which was followed by an invitation to dinner.  During the dinner with my friend and her new colleagues, we were exchanging stories of the past few weeks, her transition to this new job, the joys and trials of moving, and so on.  It was a fun close to a fun day.

Back at the hotel, my head hit the pillow and my eyes popped open.  "When did my friend say she moved?"  I remembered the date changing several times as she worked to make sure the dates were amenable to the former workplace, the new workplace, her family, etc.  

Remember the "45 days" from the Broken Chains post?  My friend had prayed for me, and he felt like there was something happening for me in 45 days, which turned out to be September 13.  He mentioned that I wouldn't know on that day that something was happening, but that sometime in the future someone would tell me about something happening on September 13, and I would know this was God moving something along for me.  I sent her a text right that moment.  

"When did you say you moved to Florida?"

"I moved on September 13."

No.

Way.

Was this part of the thing that would be my next season?  I mentioned this to Mrs O.  I wasn't convinced, but I was certainly intrigued.  

Our last activity before flying back to Kentucky was to go to the beach.  We didn't have much time, but we drove out to the beach on one of the islands before heading to the airport.  We had a great time, albeit very short.  Then, on the bridge crossing back into town I saw something that hit me at my core.  I saw the skyline which bore a striking resemblence to the shiny new train in my dream I mentioned in The Inventory--sleek and white, with shiny bluish green windows.  

Coincidence?  I don't know.

My resolve about Florida not being for me?  Gone.

The next day at the airport, my friend called.  They wanted to make an offer, but they knew how I had responded before and they wouldn't continue unless I was open to it.  

"I... I don't know if I'm open to it.  I'll need some time to figure that out."

Inventory

It's time for a review of the things I believe God impressed on me over the five years regarding what He was getting ready to do.  This inventory, of sorts, has consistently been a critical step in my journey because it is so easy to get overwhelmed with the details--the details that matter and the details that don't matter. 

Over time, I have experiences like I mentioned in the last posts where I have a strong sense about something.  Sometimes I pray and ask for discernment and then something will hit me in a strange way and I just know deep down that it is related to my prayer.  Other times something just hits me in a strange way and I begin to pray after the fact that God would help me discern whether that strange sense is something I need to remember.  I'm sure it can happen in a myriad of ways, but in any case, it's easy to forget those experiences and my resolve to pay attention to them.  Periodically, I need a moment of quiet to remember and take an inventory of those things, asking God to show me the thread that joins them all together.  

Here are the moments that seem the most significant...

A kink in the hose:

At the very beginning of 2015, or even before, Mrs O and I had seen evidence of great hurt at THV.  It felt as though something had stuck--a clog, a kink in a garden hose, or a rusty spigot that just wouldn't open and let the water run.  I was looking for the source of the kink in the hose.  I felt like God was asking me to search for the source of the problem so the proverbial hose could be disconnected from the broken spigot and connected up to one that is functional.  

This is my favorite kind of work!  I love being a catalyst for change.  I love seeing the look on people's faces when they release themselves from captivity having recognized what is holding them back.  The difficult thing is realizing it is not up to me.  It is a great disappointment to see someone faced with the opportunity to be free who does not want to take it, but hope springs eternal that one day the joy of freedom will be so alluring the work of getting there will seem a small price.

Plowing the ground:

I remember some teaching I did at the beginning of the five years where I felt strongly that we needed to do some preparation as a group.  I felt like we needed to identify things that were getting in the way of our progress, as individuals and as a group.  The picture I had in my mind was a picture of a large field being harrowed or plowed up.  Each time rocks were removed until finally the ground was soft, without rocks, and ready for planting.

The pruning:

There was also a time when I felt like God was showing me that the numbers at THV would get depressingly low.  I was not to count people because I would become discouraged as God did some pruning.  Pruning need not be considered a negative thing, either for THV or those being pruned away.  It may be in some cases, and it may not be in others.  Pruning is not simply to get rid of something bad.  The purpose is to bear fruit.  The Gardener can prune a scion out of one tree and graft it into another as He sees fit.  

The purpose is to bear fruit, more fruit, better fruit.  

The pruning analogy hit me while watching a couple of videos in an attempt to learn how to graft fruit trees.  The first one kind of sets things up, but it's the second video which was so powerful to me.  Two things seemed important to me in the second video: the pruning is a hard pruning where even full, lush, green growth is pruned away to let more sunlight in, and the nurse branch is there to feed the tree during the grafting process until the grafts are ready to carry on.  The part about the nurse branch was particularly striking to me.  It was very sudden.  Final.  Like when you're watching a dramatic movie and all of the sudden something is revealed.  

The sound track stops.

Everything moves in slow motion for a moment while you absorb what you've just learned.

It was like that.  I just didn't really understand what I'd just learned, yet.

If you want to watch the videos, they are short and the links are below.  If the links fail to work, do a search for "Dave Wilson Nursery grafting" and I hope you'll find these two videos:

How to Graft a Fruit Tree

Tree Grafting 6 Month Follow-Up

Finish with planting:

I attended a Bible study at another church one day.  A lady who attended our church was enjoying attending this study and she wondered if it would be interesting to me for our church, so I went with her one day.  After the prayer time at the end of the study, a young woman came up to me and told me that during the prayer time she felt like God gave her three words for me: heal, restore, plant.

Why is 'plant' at the end?  The order of the words seemed significant in that moment.  But, planting seems like the beginning of something, not the end.  It didn't occur to me until much later that these words were so compatible with the picture of the field being plowed.  This was a season of preparation.  We were preparing to plant.

Two trains:

I had a dream one day that I was on two trains at once--not inside the trains, but riding on top of two trains with my right foot on an old rusty steam engine and my left foot on a sleek white fast-looking train with shiny bluish green windows.  They were going the same speed and I felt no urgency until I saw up ahead there was a tunnel.  In my dream, I knew in my mind that I could not go through the tunnel on both trains. I had to move.  I picked up my right foot and put both feet on the new sleek white train, and when I looked down the old rusty steam train had disintegrated into a cloud of rusty dust.  It was completely gone.

A new thing: 

I got several words that God was doing a "new" thing, that it was ideal that I was not trained formally as a pastor as I may be resistant to the "new" thing if I had been formally trained.  These words came from folk inside the church and outside as they prayed for me, often these people did not know each other or have any knowledge that another person had prayed and sensed similar things.  There were many times I felt unable to carry on, and these words kept me alive during some very difficult parts of the five years.

I've mentioned it before, but since we're doing an inventory I need to mention that I felt strongly that this season was a 5-year season.  More specifically, I knew I had a vision for my role at THV for the calendar years 2015-2019.  After the grafting and pruning word I felt strongly that I was not to complain about how it was going until the five years were up.  My job was to live as transparently as possible.  I was to share what God was doing in me and not worry about 'success' but simply do what I felt led to do.  God and I had an appointment to discuss how things had been going at the end of the five years, on December 31, 2019 at midnight.

I'm sure there are more, but this is just an abbreviated inventory.  The last bit I'll share didn't really feel like "a word" at the time, but looking back it clearly was a rhema word.  THV leaders were at a retreat mid-September 2019 and I shared some of the things in this inventory with the group.  I specifically shared the part about the five years.  I'm not sure I had shared that before.  I remember telling them how I looked forward to my meeting with God at midnight on December 31 and how I was going to tell him everything I had been holding back, "Except," I remember saying, "I have a feeling, by the time we get there, I'll know more about the next season and it won't be as difficult a conversation as it now seems."

This is just one in a series of stories about the events of the last year.  If you would like to start at the beginning, go back and read about The Five Years.

Florida-phobia

August 2019--I got a call from my friend who was moving to Sarasota.  She hadn't moved yet, but she was making preparations and she had some questions.  Her job involved opening a new facility and she asked if I would take a look at the architectural drawings.  I was happy to do it.  I love these kinds of projects!  "By the way," she added "if you've reconsidered applying for the job, this is the time to send in your resume!"  

I talked to Mrs. O again.  Again, the timeline.  And now the questions: am I holding myself to some artificial obligation that only exists in my head?  Everyone around me at work knows I have wanted a job change for a long time.  They must think I'm crazy for not taking this job.  Why am I still here?  Am I afraid of something?

 

I don't really like Florida that much, anyway.

I was afraid of alligators.  I was afraid of sharks.  I was afraid of stingrays.  I was afraid of hurricanes.  I was afraid of poisonous spiders.  But most of all, I was afraid of poisonous snakes.  You know that little rhyme about "a friend of Jack" that tells you how to tell a poisonous snake from a harmless one?  Well, I never bothered to really figure it out because if I see a snake that MIGHT be poisonous, I'm not going to examine him closely enough to determine which kind he really is!  I'm going to run away!

But, here's the thing. . . I want to be where I am supposed to be.  But, how do you know?  Mrs. O and I talked about the timeline.  Is it possible the 5 years is over?  Was it supposed to be approximately five years?  When did the five years start anyway?  I had begun taking on the new role in August of 2014 even though the official position started in January 2015. . . could the 5 years be over in August?

I prayed again.  I thought back to the time when I had the strong sense that this was a five year job.  When I consider how I felt at that time, I try to remember as accurately as I can how I felt and what exactly I sensed was going to happen.  It seems impossible to remember the tiny details, but in these cases, it seems if I pray about it, I always seem to remember just a few of the most important details.  Writing these things down in a journal also helps!  I remember distinctly, the end of the five years feeling like it would come on December 31.  I don't really know how or why I remember that particular detail--I just prayed and asked and He answered.   

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5 (NIV)

The five years were 2015-2019.  I knew in my heart these were the five years and I would not feel free to move on until the end of the calendar year.  At church, the leaders had just begun a Bible study together: Experiencing God.  It was turning out to be a great study and I was really enjoying it.  It's funny--the lessons in the study were all about asking God to show you what he is about to do and follow Him into it.  Each lesson seemed to help me along the way through these months as Mrs. O and I struggled to discern the best way forward.

Mrs. O had similar feelings to mine and she added that if God was about to do something amazing in the next couple of months, she didn't want to run away and miss it.

So, I declined Florida, again.

This is one in a series of stories about the events of this last year.  If you want to start at the beginning, read about The Five Years. . . or go to the next one Inventory.

Broken Chains

Toward the end of July 2019 I was looking forward to a professional meeting which was to take place in the middle of September.  I had submitted a project for presentation and was waiting for news of its acceptance.  I had a strong sense that this meeting may be significant to my job search in some way--a weird strong sense that on the surface didn't seem like it should amount to much, but it did.  I was so convinced of the significance of this particular event that I had made a paper chain to count the days until the meeting. . . or, rather, the impending relief I was convinced would be coincident.

"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay."  Habakkuk 2:3

In church one Sunday we were singing a song about being free--free from all the things that hold us back.  On the power point displaying the words was a background picture, a meme-like picture, of a person standing with arms out and broken chains.  I thought to myself, "That looks like a paper chain."  And all at once this thought hit me.  

My paper chain is holding me back.  

Not really my paper chain, but the expectation it represented.  The expectation that life, or God, or someone owed something to me and it was due in the middle of September.  I can't convey in words how transforming it was to let go of the expectation.  I knew deep down at my core that I had taken something real and significant and I had deformed it.  I had attached an expectation to the strong sense of the significance of the middle of September--an expectation about what kind of significance it would be.  I was counting on meeting someone at the meeting with a job offer, some news of a job opportunity, or some other new beginning.  I HAD to get to that meeting to meet that someone. . . maybe.  

This feels like a good time to mention that a good deal of prayer and reflection is needed to discern the difference between the 'weird strong sense' that turned out to be something important and the expectation that turned out to be a burdensome limitation.  Two thoughts on this: the real thing, the strong sense--when it has turned out to be truly significant--has always been repeated multiple times in different ways.  This repetition has confirmed the significance to me and it brings an overwhelming sense of peace even in the face of many unknown details.  I have begun to pay particular attention when I find myself having a strong sense multiple times related to the same event or decision.  I find it important to pay attention to the practical aspects of what I'm sensing--what I believe I am supposed to do--as well as the more abstract things--how do I feel about this, and what fear do I have.  

The misplaced expectation comes with an anxiety, a tension, a fear that my hope will be dashed if it proves false.  Sometimes, like this particular time, it came with a sense that I had to get to that meeting to make this thing happen, that is to say, bring the relief I wanted so badly.

But here's the catch: I realized I had deformed the real thing by adding the expectation.  When I realize I have made a mistake like this, I have to go back to the point where I felt the strong sense that this timing would be significant, the substance of the 'strong sense' was only that something significant would happen and it seemed like it might be related to my job.  

Back to the song, and the power point with the man in the picture with the broken paper chain at his wrists. . . it felt like God was showing me He needed to own the paper chain--the expectations, and the timeline--and I wanted Him to own the paper chain.  I didn't want my expectations to own me anymore.

At the end of July--I don't remember the exact day--I got a response from the professional meeting that my project had been rejected.  I was devastated.  How will my relief come now?  There really was no foreseeable reason for me to attend the meeting.  I cancelled my plans.  I asked a friend to pray for me.  As we customarily do when we pray for each other, this friend told me later on that when he prayed he felt like God gave him "45 days" for me.  He counted out the 45 days and the 45th day was September 13.  He told me that he believed that day would be significant for me--that something would happen on September 13 which would impact me in a big way.  He also said that he didn't know that I would be aware of these events on September 13, but that later on someone would say "and 'this' happened on September 13" and then I would know that this was God moving something along for me.

So, I took down my paper chain.

This is number 2 in a series of stories about the events of the last year.  If you would like to start at the beginning, go back and read about The Five Years. . . or go to the next one: Florida-phobia.

The Five Years

There is so much to tell.  I can barely believe all that has happened in the past year\nor that it all fit in such a short time.  It's not an easy story to tell as there are little strings that connect between events sometimes separated by quite a bit of time.  I'm going to try to tell it, though, in hopes that it will encourage the faith of any who read or hear of it.  I'm not writing to explain myself or others to any naysayers or critics.  There are, and will be, critics.  I'm writing to encourage those who prayed alongside me. . . us, as a church family. . . and fill in any details that may have value in the retelling.  

"The Light shines on in the darkness, and the darkness did not understand it or overpower it or appropriate it or absorb it [and is unreceptive to it]."  John 1:6 (AMP)

This past weekend was the first weekend in several decades that The Highland Vineyard (THV) was not operating in any capacity, under any name.  It was also the first weekend that The Rock Vineyard began operating in a new capacity.  The stories of the past year culminate in those two statements, more or less.  As there are many parts, I'll tell them one at a time, as best I can.

It's tough to know where exactly to start, but I'll start on July 8, 2019.  I got a call from a colleague.  She said, "Aaron, I just took a job in Sarasota, Florida.  I want you to come with me."  I was looking for a job change, and had been praying for relief at work for quite some time--several years, in fact.  I enjoyed working with this friend of mine.  I was sad to hear she would be leaving, however, I had very specific reasons for looking for a job change without a location change.  

January 1, 2015 I officially took on the pastor role at THV.  The first 6 months were perhaps the most difficult months of my life.  In May, after only 5 months, I considered resigning due to a barage of criticism.  I am eternally grateful for Duane, my mentor, pastor, and a father to me in many ways, and for the leading of the Spirit which Duane helped me discern.  In the course of my ardent prayers in those first few months, I felt the Spirit of God impress on me a sense that there would be a difficult season ahead which would require steadfast commitment to seek wisdom from God and follow it without looking at outward signs of success.  

This revelation came on the heels of a decision I had made to begin counting attendees at church, seeking feedback from visitors, etc.  I just felt something very dark about that decision, which on the surface seemed so sensible.  I felt very strongly that God was offering a revelation of the timeline.  I told Mrs. O.  that I believed we were in a season that would last five years.  My job would be to seek wisdom from God and do my best to follow it, and there was a very distinct impression that I was not to complain about how it was going, and God would give me what I needed as I followed.

These revelatory thoughts and impressions came amidst words and prayers from family and friends who knew nothing of the thoughts inside my head.  I got several words of encouragement that I needed to trust God and I would go through a season of "flying blind" and that we were "building roots."  I got words during my prayer time about "plowing the ground" and removing the rocks--preparing the soil.  I also remember a prayer time when God prompted me to remember and consider the experience we had at a previous church where we watched a transformation over the course of five years.  I didn't hear any voices, but if I put words to the distinct impression I got as I prayed about resigning from this new position, those words would be, 

"This is a five-year job."

So, on July 8, 2019 when I got the phone call about Sarasota, I politely thanked my friend for the call and told her I would talk to my wife.  Mrs. O. responded, "how does this fit with your timeline?" referring to the five years.  

"I know," I said, "it's just not the right time."

Knowing how life works out in unexpected ways, we prayed about it anyway, but after a short consideration, I declined to apply.  I didn't ask about the timeline for Sarasota. . . didn't even think of it.  I was sure one of the other opportunities currently in front of me would turn out to be the right one.  In any case, I had an appointment with God at midnight on December 31, 2019.  I was going to stay up until midnight and pray, telling Him how things had been going, and asking about the next season.  

It would be the end of the five years.

This is one in a series of stories about the events of the last year.  If you want, go to the next one: Broken Chains.